Hosting a Wedding Lunch/Dinner: Myths

My wife and I were fortunate to host two wedding receptions when our daughters got married. Fortunate in every sense that our daughters found suitable partners and the celebrations were happy occasions. From these receptions, which were held in relatively well established and well regarded venues in hotels, we experienced many types of feeling, both high and low. Some of the 'myths' which we encountered were:

1.  Make money from the reception:  The couple should be happy if they were able to break even in the expenditure of the whole wedding. In our cases, the collection from the guests just met the cost of the lunch/dinner. Our children did not chose the most expensive of menu, nor the cheapest. The money spent on the wedding car, photographs, etc were money that cannot be recuperated through the reception's collection.
Usually, the guests would estimate the Ang pow amount based on the location and the type of reception. There is a 'market rate' if they choose to find out. They would usually associate lunch to cost less, which is NOT the case, thus they give less. A modest lunch or dinner would cost at least $1200 and above, not including GST and service charges. Thus, to break even, at least $150 per guest.
From our experiences, the average collected for the lunch reception was about $120. There were many (50%) $100 angpows. Some were even down to $150 for three persons!! A case of $600 for a full table was also encountered....relatives, mah...could not be helped.We have heard about horror cases of  receiving 'empty' angpows.

2. Angpow amount related to socio economic status : Amongst our guests were some relatively 'rich' relatives and friends, by virtue that they are living in landed properties, condominium, or that they hold respective jobs or are business people. However, many of these people were rather pragmatic when they consider the amount to give for the reception. We were really surprised by the 'wrong perceptions' we have had of some of our relatives and friends. When counting the angpows for the second reception, we could guess correctly the amount certain friends or relatives would give based on the records of the first reception....ie little change.
However, like it is often said, the presence of the invitees is the most precious gift a wedding couple can have, not the amount they may receive.

3. Punctuality: This is the bearbug for all Chinese weddings. It seemed to be in the veins of many Singaporeans especially the older folks, that one should not be early when attending a wedding reception. This is to avoid being branded as a 'Yeow Kwee' or ' hungry ghost' . This kind of ancient thinking should be banished! There were many times that I have to wait at least 30 minutes from the stated dinner starting time in the invite (usually either 1300 or 1730 hours) for the reception to start. On a few instances, it was not till 2045 before the couple enters and dinner starts. Then, the dinner would end at 2300......It was very frustrating for those who were punctual.
Fortunately for us, both our receptions started about 15 mins after the stated time, usually waiting to the limit for one or two 'known' latecomers. We insisted on starting on time even though some guests had not arrived yet. We have about 95% of our guests who were punctual. Such good achievement could be the effect of us calling our guests 2 or 3 days before the reception, to remind them about the occasion and also succinctly tell them to be on time.

4.  Guests give pro rata angpows according to the venue: There could be some truth in such a perception as the guests might equate 'excellent' and this 'expensive' food with the well regarded venue or hotel in which the reception was held. The angpows would surely be considerably less if it is held at the HDB void deck or community hall, with scant regard to the quality of food.
However, holding a reception in a 5-star hotel might give the prestigious impression, but it would definitely set the couple back financially unless they are well-heeled or were financially backed.

5. Turnout of invited guests: Do not assume that all would turn up if there is no RVSP responses. Only the polite and courteous ones would call to mention their absence. The absentees on the reception day would be quite embarrassing if there were many tables with unoccupied seats, let alone the decreased collection. We called many of our guests, especially those older folks and those with 'reputation', a few days before the reception to confirm their attendance. It should not surprise one to hear about their forgetfulness on the date, venue and time or that they would want to bring additional guests whom were not listed, eg their grandchild, helper, etc. One needs firmness to deal sensitively with such cases. No means NO in a polite way!

 

 

     
                                             The venues in which we hosted our receptions

We related and reflected on our experiences not to slight anybody or to grind an axe with anyone. If anyone knew us and read this please do not be offended by our comments or references as we had never meant this to be offensive or hurting.

Reflections of my Life as a Singaporean

I am a retired baby-boomer, born in 1953, who is fortunate enough to live and survive through the LKY years. My birth certificate stated that I was a British Subject but my pink IC certified me as a Singaporean who had to serve 21/2 years of National Service in the Army. I have my family and kids who are doing reasonably well. For all these, I  am eternally grateful to this great man, Mr LKY. Since his passing, there were so many tributes, reflections, comments, write-ups, etc about him and how he effectively touched our life that nothing has been left unturned/unchurned. We looked back at the past videos which portrayed him as a man who would fight for his rights and the rights of his people to the last.

To this I would like to add on with my reflections on how it was like to be brought up as a fortunate son of Singapore.

Welfare :

My mother was forced to go out and work when my father passed away suddenly in 1963. She knew she had to work hard to feed a brood of four sons, eldest ie me, aged 11. She had to give away the fifth son to a wealthy couple so that the rest could survive. Botanic Gardens offered her a gardening job and she worked there for 25 years before retiring. During these hard times, we have to depend on Social Welfare from the Government, which also granted us free text books and exemption from paying school fees. Though poor, we somehow managed to survive. Two of us managed to complete our Poly diploma course, which was paid through a PSC bursary. We were bonded to serve the Government after our graduation. Getting the bursary was one of the best things that came my way as my mother avoided borrowing from other family members to fund our education. Also, we were guaranteed a 'Government' job upon graduation, something which many families, at that time, had wished and hoped for.

Housing :

When my father died we had to downgrade from a large 3-room SIT rental flat at Margaret Drive to a one-room flat, with shared toilets, at Bukit Ho Swee. The filth and smell from the shared toilets at the end of the common corridor was overwhelming at times. We avoided the toilets as much as we could. The poverty of those living there was depressing. Gangsters and unemployed people were around though they did not harm or harass us, the residents. However we could be easily influenced to join them if our will was weak. Anyway, we still had a roof over our heads and a little food in our stomach. Living conditions improved a little when we were forced to move to another one-room flat nearby This time, we had our our little toilet. When HDB decided to demolish all the one-room flats at Bukit Ho Swee, we were allocated another rental flat, a 3-room, at Alexandra Road at low cost. This was surely a progression.

Later in our lives, me and my brother managed to buy our own subsidised HDB houses, using the money from our forced savings, CPF. Nowadays, Bukit Ho Swee is reinventing itself into a 'atas' estate. 

                                 My family and I stayed on the 5th storey of this common toilet block
                                          Circa: @1963
                                          Source: National Archives

Block 3 Jln Bukit Ho Swee before it was demolished. Block 5 was on the right

Source : National Archives

I  moved to Block 13, left with bamboo poles, to a 6th storey one room flat with toilet.

The flat on the right were the Beo Crescent flats, still around today.

Source : National Archives

View of the big globe playground as viewed from the Bukit Ho Swee flat.

Far view shows the Havelock Road area.

Source: National Archives

Meritocracy:

This was one enduring policy which ensured me, my brothers and so many others to move up the social ladder. Our progression to further education was based purely on the merits achieved through our hard work on schools, not on factors like social status, race or religion. If you are able, help is always around to see that you are not hampered. Promotions in our job was also based on meritocracy, not on the schools or university you have attended, or who or what your father's standing in society. Of course, we heard of 'white knights' who have their golden spoons because of their parents or riches.....why businessmen like to send their children to ACS, a rich premier school? Money for nothing?? Who knows.

Social :

National Service was a great leveler for many in their social status. No matter who you are, you are not exempted. The medically unfit are given desk jobs. You would meet all sorts of people in the camps, lived and struggled through the 2/2 1/2 years with them. Usually, you would come out of the experience, a more matured, confident and sensible person.

There were also a number of 'safety nets' for the disadvantaged to land softly. Social welfare or nowadays PA is one of those. Nowadays, there are so many social organisations reaching out to the poor and disadvantaged that they are spoilt for choice. Thus, there are not too many 'economically poor' people around nowadays. As long as you are willing to work, there is job for you around. The present 'poor' estate, Bukit Merah or Redhill is comparatively richer than the old Bukit Ho Swee!!!! 

Policies I dislike:

I did not like some of the policies that were rammed down on us, then and now. We were made to believe that a person with long hair was usually associated with drugs, drug addicts. Avoid having long hair or you would be served last. Maybe at that time, it was a subtle campaign against Drug Abuse but painting all the long hair men with a single brush was unsettling. Thus I kept my hair as 'long' as possible.

The well-known poster discouraging long hair

 The 'Boy or Girl, Two is enough' , 'Stop at Two' campaign engineered us socially to have less children. The rationale then was to prevent the island from being overpopulated. Measures like imposing a fine for those having the third child,  mothers were 'financially coerced' to have ligation in hospital after the second child and monetary incentive for father to have vasectomy!! Nearly had that after my second but thought 'better not for the sake of my libido'!!  Much much later, the tune was changed, 'If you can afford, have more', to halt the dwindling population. The underlying message was that if you have the means (meaning graduate mothers and faters earning quite a bit), then have more.  Incentives were given to those with three children eg priority in the queue for HDB flats and registration for primary school for the siblings, tax incentives, baby bonus, etc. What a great turnaround!!! My third child was born before all the incentives were dished out.

How unlucky!!!

Another hated policy was in the 80s when it was decided to give 'graduate women' incentives to marry and produce. They were encouraged to marry someone of the same education level, the 'Nurture vs Nature' debate. The Social Development Unit (SDU) was set up to match graduate singles for matrimony. Not surprisingly, it was grounded because of the vile ground sentiments, before more of the ladies took the incentives. The policies were decidedly 'elitist'. However, the message is still subtlely put out.

Another was the "Speak Mandarin, Less dialects" campaign. Though it was to speak 'less dialects', overnight, all dialect programme were expunged from television and radio never to be heard again. In entertainment, the elderly were left hanging.

Some of the policies like banning chewing gum, mandatory death sentence for drug traffickers, ban smoking in public places, etc did receive support from the majority of the people.

Source : BBC in 2000

One of the dreaded thing perceived in the past was the presence or 'imagined presence' of the ISD. There was this fear that their personnels were all round us, listening to our conversations and nabbing us in the dead of the night if we said or do something wrong, or not following government laws. I believed that this 'fear' was inbuilt in many of the older generation's mind that made us 'law abiding' people. I remembered having to apply for a 'Suitability Certificate' before entry into Polytechnic. Guess the authority would have check and screen me and my 'past deeds' before allowing me to further my study. That was in the 70s.

There were many such policies which strait-jacketed us and developed 'government dependent' tendencies. Jack Neo's spoof, 'Just Follow Law' encompassed nearly everything Singaporean: Law abiding to a fault, waiting for someone's initiatives, wait for help instead of helping oneself, etc

Where in the world would you find another country which takes care of you from cradle grave? Which country would bother to look into nearly every facet of your life and try to make it better and takes action if you complain? Yes, some Western countries have beautiful social programme. However, they funded them through hard taxation of the working population. There are no 'real poor people', only the disadvantaged. When one is down and out, 'gah-ment' will surely help. Go see the MP of your ward to grumble about every little thing, he/she will solve your problem. When you cashed out your flat and spent it all for frivolous reasons, 'gah-ment' will help you find a rental flat. These types of 'dependent mentality' is quite prevalent in our society nowadays that I feared for the future. Imagine putting a new Singaporean and someone from Hong Kong or China in a wilderness. Who will survive? I bet the latter would find his/her way and survive or even thrive. Meanwhile, the Singaporean would be waiting and hoping that the 'gah-ment' would come and rescue him.

To their credit, Mr LKY and his team did tweak or change some of the policies which they later realised were poorly conceived or when the context changed. These changes to rectify the situations were usually made without a murmur or an apology to those adversely affected.

However, I believed that he did it all because he cared too much for the people even though they were unpopular or harsh. He was not one to implement 'populist policies'. He was like a loving 'father', who always wanted the best for his 'children' all the time so much so that people found it intrusive.

Now, our 'father' is gone. Can we stand up on our own? Can we think less of what the 'gah-ment' can do for us but what we can do for our country and ourselves?

I really wonder and is worried.

31 March 2015 (one week after Mr LKY's demise)

Mr LKY's Funeral 29 March 2015



Supreme Court & City Hall Bldg, St Andrew's Rd 29 March 2015 @1030hrs

 



Crowd gathered along St Andrew's Road as viewed from Old Parliament House

  

State flag at Half mast above Supreme Court & City Hall Bldg 29 March 2015

29 March 2015 Sunday

It was a cool but cloudy morning as my wife and I set out to board the train to Raffles Station at 0900 hrs. From there we walked to the Parliament House area so that we can view the funeral procession. Upon reaching the Padang area at around 1000 hrs, we saw a big crowd already assembled around the Padang perimeter and City Hall area.



Supreme Court & City Hall viewed from Padang 1100 hrs 29 March 2015

One of the 23-pounder which gave the 21 gun salute during the funeral

 

We planted ourselves at the Old Parliament House area and finally settled down to an area near the side gate of the OPH, thinking that it would offer a great view when the procession departs from the Parliament House.

View of Supreme Court from our position at Old Parliament House @1020 hrs

 

The rain started falling around 1130 hrs. At first it was a light platter but it got heavier and heavier, and before long we faced a thunderstorm! We were utterly wet by the rain as the umbrella was quite useless. Amazingly all the people around us and everywhere did not flinch from their position. They braved the heavy rain and chilling wind to wait patiently till 1300 hrs when the procession began.

The rain did not relent during the procession which passed by very quickly. However, all our spirits were highly lifted when we saw the hearse with Mr Lee's coffin draped in state flag. People shouted his name, thank yous and goodbyes. It was really an emotional moment, really hit.

After that we hurried home to catch the live telecast of the rest of the funeral ceremony. The teary moment came when the bugle sounded 'The Last Post' and we observed a minute if silence after the eulogies by the various people. The ceremony at UCC ended at around 1700 hrs. The procession then headed to Mandai for cremation which was a private affair.



Dear Mr Lee, for the whole week we were captured, through the TV programme and newsprints, by the accounts of your struggles in the past, your vision of the future for Singapore, your sacrifices and your endearing moments, etc so much so that we suddenly thought we knew you very much better. You will always remain a part of our life and we will continue to tell our children and grandchildren about you as you are Singapore. 

Thank yo very much for leaving behind a safe and prosperous country for us to live. We are eternally grateful for that.

Thank you and goodbye.....may you find peace in heaven, together with your loving wife.

We know that you will continued to look after us up there.

The rain fell down heavily from 1130 hrs onwards, view of Supreme Court from Old Parliament House



 

Crowd stayed on spot despite very heavy rain

Crowd gathered along the Esplanade Drive 1130 hrs 29 March 2015

View from Old Parliament House

 

 

View from Old Parliament House of Supreme Court with Elephant Statue foreground

1200 hrs 29 March 2015

Heavy rain fell before the funeral procession 29 March 2015 1200 hrs

Mr LKY's hearse passing by fleetingly 29 March 2015 @1315 hrs

Passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew

Sunday, 22 March 2015: As our family prepared to go for my wife's birthday dinner at Causeway Point, the sudden thunderstorm which started around 1630 was particularly heavy and strong. The lightnings were striking with such ferocity accompanied by very loud thunder, that we thought an earthquake had struck. My wife and I were saying to each other that 'the sky seemed to be making a loud statement, something is going to happen soon'. It really happen!!!!

Monday 23 March 0318 hrs : our dear founder PM passed away at SGH where he was hospitalised since Feb 5. He had fought a great battle, whether while living or dying, there will not be another such a great man.
When he took Singapore out of Malaysia in 1965, I was a primary 5 pupil. The significance of it did not register until when I started secondary school, when we first recited the National Pledge. We began to value our existence as an independent country, in front of my Malaysian friends in Poly later on.
My perception of him was one who was 'unreachable' . He seemed so aloof and far away. I always hear stories of him being a hard taskmaster. Heard that one principal had to leave because the grass in his school was not cut when LKY visited. However, in retrospect, I began to understand his need to be one-minded, do what was required for the survival of the nation, disregarding all distractions and criticisms. He did what was right for Singapore, set the direction to move forward. There were so many initiatives that came from his foresight.....the Marina Bay, Singapore River Cleanup, Gardens by the Bay, self sufficiency in water supply, etc. As a son of Singapore, I give my upmost respect for him. It made me proud to be a Singaporean, especially when other countries gave us respect when we visited them as tourists.
May he rest in peace. May he find peace in heaven, to be with his dear wife.

  

                                             Mr Lee Kuan Yew 1923 - 2015

Ortega Cup 2004

While I was digitizing my past photographs, I came across an album with pictures of the revived 2004 Ortega Cup held in RI Bishan.

Waiting for match to start

RI Old Boys lineup 

 Introducing Quah Kim Song

 Waiting for GOH's arrival

 Emran introduced to GOH Mr Tarmugi

 Au-yeong introducing the players to GOH Mr Tarmugi

 Rafflesian's solid defender

 Line up before the start

Au-yeong and Kim Song in half time talk

Rafflesians and Josephians

    Au-yeong Pak Kuan receiving winners trophy from Mr Abdullah Tarmugi, GOH and 
    a Rafflesian

    The winning team 2004 at RI ground. Mr Alfred Chen, teacher in charge of RI soccer in the 
    70s was standing beside me at 2nd row, 3rd from right.

 

Rafflesian meeting Rafflesians

Chua Chu Kang Secondary School - post 1996

 When the first batch of pupils graduated from CCKS in 1996, the mood seemed to be deflated. However, life went on quiet nicely with Mrs Teo Khin Hiang as Principal. It was also time for consolidation and there were many happy moments among staff, at least the bonding was getting stronger. We still dare to be different in many ways, eg celebrating National Day with our neighbor, Signal Camp (Stagmont). The school organization structure was established and things went on until.........another change of Principal in/at around 1999.
When Mrs Teo left to start a new school in the East. she "took along" quite a number of staff /KPs to join her there. Those who were left behind, especially those who were in CCKS for a long time, felt a sense of deja vue....as many strong personalities were leaving. It was like starting all over again. This time it was not easy... it was hell. Period.

                                                                         CCKS Staff 1999
                                 Year 2015..............I could only see 3 faces who are still with CCKS. The people in the front row had all left, either promoted or retired or doing some other 'things'. The late Mr Yeo S P and Mr Teh B C were seated on the right of picture.

 The first batch pupils who made it to 'O' levels

CCKS Craft n Technology Dept in the late 90s. Only Mr Zulkiflee (left wearing red)and Mr Ong HT (beside Zul) are left in CCKS at this moment (2016)

CCKS staff at St John's Island circa 1998

Staff at Sec 2 Camp at MoE Campsite circa 1998

Sec 2 Camp Water Confidence at Jln Bahtera campsite circa 1998

Raft building during Sec 2 Camp circa 1998

Chua Chu Kang Secondary School - The Early Years School Camps

1994
In their second year, the pioneer batch of pupils got their first taste of outdoor camping at Jalan Bahtera Camp. It was a 3D-2N camp. All the activities were planned and organized by the teachers, no external vendor. The most exciting part of the camp was the night walk from camp to the Lim Chu Kang Cemeteries. The pupils started off in high spirit and noisily.....but the moment we went into the cemetery, it was total silence from them, all the way back to camp. Ms Sum, the Principal, led the way in this night walk.

 One of the 2 classes of second batch NT pupils 1996

First batch NT pupils in the Workshop

1995
When we planned the Sec 2 camp for the 19 classes, we did not foresee the enormity of the task until the camp superintendent mentioned to us our 'bravery' to have so many campers at one time. He had never seen a school doing that....for 750 pupils at one go!!!!! Madness!!!! We have to use the next door Camp Christine as well.
Surprisingly, we pulled it off without much incidents ( a couple of pupils were sent back for fever). We did the high ropes, the sea activities like raft building, camp fire etc. All the meals were cooked by Mr Zukliflee and his family who slept in the camp as well.

In retrospect, it was really mad of us to conduct a camp for over 750 pupils at one go. Not everyone of us have organized camps before and yet we took it on. I felt that Ms Sum placed her trust on us, the PE department and me, as she seldom appear in the picture during the planning and recce. We just update her on the progress....that's it.
We could have broken up the organization of the camp into phases. However, the thought of having to conduct it twice would mean taxing every one's time and energy. Fortunately, we have Mr Paul Low, who was certified to conduct obstacles courses and sea activities with us. But then...imagine the risks.......what if......It gave me the shivers when I reminiscence about it.

St John's Island Camp
After the Sec 2 camp, the Sec 3 St John's Camp was a breeze. The pioneer batch went to St John's Island for the Sec 3 Camp after the Sec 2 camp. Again, all the activities were successfully conducted by the teachers and some pupils from the uniformed groups. Mr Zul and family cooked the meals. It was really a 'family' affair.

                                                                       The TRUST FALL

                                 BLIND leading the BLIND Confidence walk around St John's Island

  One of the group lead by Mr Paul LowYes, we brought our own food for meals cooked by mr Zulkiflee and family

Up the steep hill to the camp

 

                                     CCKS Staff at 2nd St John's Island Camp in 1996

Some of this pioneer pupils also went for the Mt Ophir Expedition. The trainings were done after school.....trekking up and down Bukit Timah Hill, night walk along the abandoned railway track, walk to MacRitchie, etc.
Though we lost our way halfway up Mt Ophir and thus did not reach the summit, we were rather satisfied with the experience.

Mt Ophir Expedition 1995 - before departure

                                                 Mt Ophir expedition 1995 - At base camp
Sec 1
The school receives another 8 classes of Sec 1 for year 1995, same combination  of 2NT, 2NA and 4Exp classes. 1995 also saw the school became a two-session school to accommodate the increased number of pupils. This would go on until the 'bloom batch' left after 1997.

Opening Ceremony
Prof Low S C, the MP of CCK officially declared the school 'opened' in a spectacular night affair of pupils' performances and dinner. I remembered that we prayed hard for the skies to hold on until the ceremony was over...it was so dark until the last minutes. We would want our weeks of preparations and rehearsal to bear fruit that night. Our prayers were obviously answered......

End 1995
One thing which we did not foresee was the departure of Ms Sum to MoE, a promotion which we were pleased for her. We thought that she would at least see the pioneer batch through the GCE 'O' examinations before leaving...it was not to be so......It was a rather quiet farewell.
Hello...Mrs Teo Khin Hiang